While the sun shines

Tongue in cheek: Together we need to work as one

The Haymaker jests to government officials about our agricultural issues
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First of all, greetings in this year of 2013 to all our agriculturally inclined readers. May you survive many more years to defy the prophets of doom who predicted the wonderful world’s end and may you, the farming community, continue to supply our bellies with much-needed sustenance.

Secondly, this bimonthly column needs a little introductory explanation. So here goes.

Between my much-needed sips of coffee (not the tinned stuff), I suppose the expression ‘tongue in cheek’ applies, yet some may label it sarcastic. Sarcasm being lowest form of wit, yet the most effective.

Should anyone be offended, take this column and form your own opinion. I am merely suggesting issues light-heartedly and steering you in another direction.For instance, look at how seriously you all took Julius, who was certainly no Caesar – more like Nero.Where is our annoying little mosquito now? Burnt out like Nero, never to rise again. (Or will he?)We now have a pretender to the throne of striker support in the form of one Tony Ehrenreich.

Is this another Julius in (older) sheep’s clothing? Or does he genuinely care for the workers?If you don’t know Tony, he tried out for mayor of Cape Town and lost out to a lady who was also a great unionist in her time. No names, no pack drill. I recently came across a reasonably well-placed government official in the Department of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries who thought – and I promise, this is not a joke – that biofuels were used only by the gay community. Needless to say that this person is now among the newly enlightened and happy community.

Since we are on the subject of this particular ministry, I would like to wish our erstwhile minister Tina Joemat-Pettersson a happier new year than last. My wish for you this year is that your accommodation problems have been resolved so you can get a good night’s rest, leaving you fresh and clear-minded to make the right decisions so that we do not have to go hungry.

I know the farmers and fishermen can be irritating and bothersome. But please, I beg of you, be nice to them in this coming year of world food shortages and droughts, which none of you have control over. We need you all. Oh, by the way, aunty Tina, thank you for the Christmas card with the ‘little fishes and loaves of bread’ picture.

On a very mischievous note, I would love to take a peek at some ministers’ Christmas card lists. Sadly, the strikes seems to consume a considerable amount of news time. I say ‘sadly’ because the inevitable result will be that a few will gain while many will lose their jobs. This has been the obvious outcome in many parts of the world where this kind of thing has happened in the past few years.

Note to the workers! You are in the (unpaid) front lines while your leaders are paid out from your union subscriptions. How is this for a suggestion? When a strike is called, no one, and I mean no one, gets paid. Now there’s a thought.

Since we should concentrate on agricultural education on a very fun note, I end with this thought: Let us educate the crops that you grow. We could let them form their own parties or unions.

For instance: Cauliflower Onion Swedes Artichokes Trade Union (Cosatu); the PEA A.C; the All Nice Cabbage party. (So silly, but I couldn’t resist.)

And finally, for all of you trying to work out who this illustrious writer’s identity may be: I am neither black nor white, not particularly politically minded, definitely not racist.

I am the Haymaker 

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